I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
