you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
