the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.