they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
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i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.