He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying