2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN