I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
