How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
