How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
