I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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