I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize