I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I puked a lego.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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