woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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