did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
