508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
