Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
bring money and cleavage
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
