if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Non-Jews are for practice
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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