OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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