why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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