Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
