I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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