We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
