girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
