Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I need moral support for this bender
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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