His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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