I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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