Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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