Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
