And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
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Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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