alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
