like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
