Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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