i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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