I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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