She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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