Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
