Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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