Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
