So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
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It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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