I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
