if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
