At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.