Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I wear drunk well.
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