I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
