It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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