Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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