You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
