Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
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Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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