You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
