Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
