you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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