ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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