Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
