he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
