I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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