she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Randomize
