I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
