...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
