I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
