this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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