I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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