She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
