Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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