You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This is the high leading the old right now
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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