College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
