I heard we made out
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
